thoughts on a warm autumn day

 

excerpt from todays journal entry - unedited

12october2022 wednesday

i am finally outside.. ahh, lovely.. out here with my Ava-butts.. i feel so content, so happy these days.. i am blessed.. i am grateful.. yesterday while i was having a late afternoon coffee, i spoke out loud without prior thought "i love you mum," it was a genuine thought.. not one forced.. i think i felt like i was embracing a part of her.. how she loved her sweet cream coffee any time of the day.. hmmm, i think forgiveness is happening as i didn't pull back on my maternal association..

as i write this, a strong breeze blows, i hear a tree crack not so far away.. i will have to look for the limb later.. so many leaves are falling.. it sends Ava into a frenzy.. she stalks & pounces the leaves that swirl down.. i tell her i am proud of her.. this is hunting to her.. it smells like nostalgia out here.. it smells like childhood amazement.. back when i had light brown hair & a birthmark on my calf.. back when i thought i could catch a crow.. i am still that skinny little kid.. i still collect maple leaves & press them into old books.. i didn't know what to do with them then & i don't know what to do with them now.. yet i still gather them up..